Conflict

Text: James 4:1-6

1  From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?

2  Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.

3  Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

4  Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

5  Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?

6  But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

Intro:The word wars in verse 1 means conflict. The Bible asks a very valid question: Where does conflict come from?

Many times we just focus on the conflict, rather than focusing on the origins of the conflict. So we seem to just go from one conflict to another, because we have not actually learned why things are happening the way they are?

Proverbs 17:14  The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.

What happens when a breach forms in a dam? The dam breaks. That is what this verse is actually talking about. The beginning of strife is as a breach in a dam.

Then it says leave it alone before it gathers volume, because that is exactly what happens with contention. The more you deal with it, the more volume it gathers. The more volume it gathers, the more you want to talk, the more you talk, the worse you feel, the worse you feel, the more you talk, and the more you talk, the more volume it gathers, and before you know it, you are getting ready to go to war with each other about a piece of paper that fell on the floor.

Today, I want to talk about how to deal with conflict, because if we can learn how to deal with conflict, then it will no longer take us where it has been taking us.

Conflict is inevitable. You can no more avoid conflict, than you can stop breathing for 5 minutes. As long as you are in a church with sinners saved by grace, there will be conflict. The problem is no the conflict itself, but the way people handle conflict. The way a person handles conflict says a lot about you.

a.   So how do we deal with conflict?

1.   Submit yourself to God.

a.   Whenever you deal with conflict the wrong way, it is because you are not submitted to God the way you need to be.

b.   James 4:1  From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?

Also Verse 7: Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

c.   Many times conflict comes from unsatisfied selfish desires. Sometimes those unsatisfied selfish desires are not even verbally spoken, but they are there.

             i.    Sometimes it is the desire to be heard, or to be understood.

d.   James 1:12 -15

12  Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.

13  Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:

14  But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.

15  Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

             i.        The word lust means desire. When lust hath desire, or have conceived desire, it brings forth sin.

            ii.        Lust gives birth to sin. Sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. So you got this infant that turns into this monster, and brings death to everyhting, death to your relationships, to your walk with God, to your dreams, to your purpose. Just so that "I can have my way."

e.   Verse 19  Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

             i.    An unspiritual person cannot be slow to wrath. An unspiritual person walks around like they have two mouths and one ear.

            ii.    Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is listen.

          iii.    That's why church is so important, because it makes you sit down and listen, instead of always trying to offer a rebuttal why I am the way that I am. It made me sit down and listen, and deal with what was wrong about me.

f.    When you learn the importance of submitting yourself unto God, it frees you, because then you are free to do what God would have you do, regardless of what anyone else does.

g.   1 Peter 2:20  20  For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.

             i.    This is talking about when you do something right, and don't get the end result that you expected.

            ii.    Sometimes things don't turn out as expected, because it makes sure your motives are where they need to be.

          iii.    If I do what I do because I'm looking for something back, then my motives are not right.

h.   Verses 21-22 

21  For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:

22  Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:

             i.        Notice the example is that we should follow IN HIS STEPS, that the same way He was, so we ought to also be as His children.

            ii.        When we suffer for doing the right thing, we ought to glorify God on that behalf.

i.    Verse 23  Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:

             i.    When He was threatened, when he suffered, He threatened not. Can you imagine Jesus threatening them?

            ii.    When the Bible says follow in His steps, that's exactly what they're talking about.

j.    Verses 24-25

24  Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

25  For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.

             i.        Because He was committed to God, He didn't care what the people did, because He was committed to doing the will of God.

            ii.        The problem in a lot of churches, is we are so concerned with the thoughts of others, and oblivious to the thoughts of God.

k.   Romans Chapter 12 tells us not to avenge ourselves. Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord, I will repay.

2.  Draw nigh to God, through prayer.

a.   If there is one element in the church that we miss, it is something called prayer. And I'm not talking about a prayer time, I'm talking about a prayer life, where your life is saturated with prayer.

b.   James 4

2  Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.

3  Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

4  Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

8  Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.

9  Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.

10  Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

             i.        There are things that you and I must start taking to the Lord and not to the ears of people.

            ii.        I am not to take a situation, and take it to everyone else, and try to get them to understand why I am the way I am and why I feel the way I feel.

                       1.        If I do that, I have caused a spirit of division.

c.   One of the challenges of being a pastor in a church is being able to see the big picture, while everyone else only sees the bit of the pie that they take off and put on the plate.

             i.    I'm not magnifying myself, but I do magnify my office, because the Bible says I am to know the stat of my flock. My office requires me to be able to know where the people of God are, how to fight for you, how to cry for you.

            ii.    It is about doing what my office tells me to do.

          iii.    If you spent more time praying for your pastor, you would spend less time criticizing your pastor. Do you know how hard it is to criticize someone that you're praying for?

d.   You can't be a part of something, if you are not apart FROM it. If you feel like there is a distance, that means you have to be a part of it. There are so many ministries in this church.

             i.    Those ministries exist to keep us close, to keep us communicating, to keep is fellowshipping.

            ii.    Get to somebody you don't know, get to know them. Stop hangning around the same group of people you hang around every Sunday.

e.   Did you know that murder is a type of hatred?

f.    John 3:15 Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.

             i.    Do you know, that you can't hate the people of God, and be right with God? That you can't listen to somebody backbite the people of God and be right with God?

g.   Our text says you fight and war, you’re battling! The problem starts when you take your battle to everyone else and not the one against whom your battle is.

h.   Prayer gives you an understanding. It doesn't necessarily change the stuff, but it changes you.

             i.    Prayer is a telltale sign you are submitted to God.

i.     It's not that we don't know how to pray, we don't know how important prayer is, so Facebook has taken the place of our prayer closet.

j.    Prayer is essential to going through conflict correctly. Jesus said pray that ye enter not into temptation, for the flesh is weak but the spirit is willing.

             i.    It is a silly person that underestimate the power of the flesh. The flesh is weak, but it can make you feel like it's strong.

            ii.    Paul said in my flesh, in my self, dwelleth no good thing.

k.   We need some men of God, because men of God command themselves before they command their wives.

l.     Most of the time when we fail God, we can trace it back to a lack of prayer, or a lack of Bible reading, that got us off course.

3.  Humble yourself!

a.   Stop thinking that you too good to be treated like this. Really? I thought the best person that ever lived was Jesus, and He allowed them to pull His hair! He was our creator, and He humbled Himself and became obedient, even to the point of dying on the Cross.

b.   Why do we get to a place in our own life, where we say "I want it my way"?

             i.        Imagine what would have happened, if Jesus said that's it, no more, destroy everything!

c.   You can't follow Christ in pride. Following Christ determines that you take the low road, every time.

d.   Humility is strength under control. There was none stronger than Jesus but, strong as He was, He had total control.

e.   That's why we got to stop taking everything so personally. Pride makes you take stuff that people say about you to heart.

             i.        Because of pride, we speak evil of one another, and many times, it's done out of earshot of the one being talked about - behind their back.

            ii.        Gossip doesn't have any loyalty, to anybody.

          iii.        When people come to you and talk about somebody else, they're manipulating you.

f.    Stop allowing people to manipulate you under the guise of being your friend. Friends don't poison, they build, they help.

g.   Humility will help you not to attack, and to not defend yourself.

             i.        Live by the motto, "No attack, no defense."

h.   The enemy uses conflict to distract you. While you are so worried about what somebody else is doing, you can't even focus on the vision God has given you.

God help us to get right with God today, and not to continue to allow the enemy to feed us poison - and call it Koolaid.